Good discipline includes love & respect for your child

Your child is driving you crazy with her preteen attitude! How should you handle her? As hard as it may seem, try to handle her with respect. When she acts up, keep in mind that:

You should set a good example. The old “because I said so” technique probably doesn’t work as well as it did when you were her age. Model the behavior you want to see in your child. When she sees you reason your way to a good decision, she’ll be likely to do the same herself.
You shouldn’t shame her. When your child messes up, it’s natural to be disappointed. But it’s not okay to insult her. Saying, “What’s wrong with you?” won’t improve her behavior—it’ll only hurt her.
She can learn from her mistakes. If your child does something wrong, try to see it as a learning opportunity. “You didn’t study for your test and you failed. What can you do differently next time?” Talk with your child about her options, and really listen to what she says. Instead of just punishing her, you’ll give her a chance to think of a solution.
She may want your input. If your child is struggling with something, she might welcome advice. Ask if you can share one of your experiences. “You know, I had a hard time getting along with my eighth-grade English teacher, too. Would you like to know how I handled it?” Just talk about your experience—don’t lecture. On the other hand, if she doesn’t want your advice, don’t force it on her.
You should let her know when she gets it right. Did your child resolve a situation without misbehaving? Let her know how proud you are of her. “You were angry with your teacher, but you talked to him without losing your temper. Way to go!”

Reprinted with permission from the September 2006 issue of Parents Still make the difference!® (Middle School Edition) newsletter. Copyright © 2006 The Parent Institute®, a division of NIS, Inc. Source: Joanne Baum, LCSW, Ph.D., “Basics of respectful parenting,” SheKnows.com, http://sheknows.com/about/look/2999.htm.

Building Responsibility

Help your middle schooler build a true sense of responsibility

Boost your middle schooler’s sense of responsibility and you’ll help him in the classroom and out. Responsible students take learning seriously. To nurture his sense of responsibility:

Expose him to money. If he does not have an allowance, consider giving him one. By letting him manage money (and not spotting him a few bucks each time he runs low), he may develop more respect for it.
Include him when you’re paying bills or working on your budget. Don’t share every financial detail, but let him see what budgeting looks like. “I’d love to order pizza tonight, too, but it’ll have to wait. Payday isn’t until Friday.”
Revamp his chore list. Are you still packing your child’s lunch? How about doing his laundry? If so, pass the torch. Now that he’s a preteen, your child is capable of handling such day-to-day chores as cooking and doing laundry. Don’t overload him with hours of new tasks, but work toward giving him meaningful responsibilities.
Let him take his lumps. When your child makes a mistake, don’t swoop in to save him (unless he’s in true danger). By allowing him to experience the consequences of his actions, he’s more likely to learn not to make the same mistake again. If you’re always running to his rescue, he’ll only learn that he doesn’t have to take responsibility for anything.

Working With Your School

Find out teacher expectations for your child this school year

Middle school teachers will expect your child to be more independent than her elementary school teachers did. Encourage this independence, but continue to support your child. One way is by getting to know her teachers and what they expect. You can:

Introduce yourself to teachers at open house or back-to-school night. Give your full name and your child’s full name. Let teachers know how to contact you and find out how to contact them.
Find out how your child should track assignments. Often, this is with a notebook that goes back and forth to school. Ask to see your child’s notebook. Encourage your child to write down due dates.
Find out how much time teachers expect students to spend on homework for class. Then you can spot trouble if your child never has any homework or if it takes her far longer to do it than it should. The earlier you alert the teacher to any problems, the easier it will be to solve them.

Reprinted with permission from the September 2006 issue of Parents Still make the difference!® (Middle School Edition) newsletter. Copyright © 2006 The Parent Institute®, a division of NIS, Inc. Source: Rosemarie Clark, Donna Hawkins and Beth Vachon, The School-Savvy Parent: 365 Insider Tips to Help You Help Your Child, ISBN: 1-57542-072-4 (Free Spirit Publishing, 1-866-703-7322, www.freespirit.com).