Look for meaningful ways to motivate your preteen

You can’t make your preteen love middle school, but you can motivate her to do well there. First, though, you need to figure out what doing well means. If your idea of a job well done involves nothing less than straight A’s, you should rethink some things. It’s unwise—and unreasonable—to demand perfection from your preteen, especially during the middle-school years.

This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t expect her to do well. It just means that you need to be reasonable. If you’re not sure what “reasonable” looks like, talk to her teachers or guidance counselor. They may be able to offer some insight about her abilities.

Beyond that, help your middle schooler stay motivated by modeling motivation yourself. Show her what a motivated person looks like. Talk to her about your own struggles. Let her see you work toward your goals—even if you stumble along the way. “This sales report kept me up for a few nights, but I finally finished it!” Let her share your successes and your failures.

To motivate your middle schooler even more:

Encourage her. Middle schoolers need love and support from their parents (no matter what they may say). Sometimes, putting your arm around your middle schooler’s shoulder may be all it takes to get her through a rough patch.
Use realistic praise. Don’t call your preteen a “genius” just because she did so-so on a test. She’ll see right through it. Instead, use more down-to-earth words like “creative” or “hard-working.” Show your preteen that you notice these real qualities in her.
Let her make her own choices. Whenever possible, have your preteen make decisions. By giving her the freedom to make her own choices—even if it’s about something as simple as what color shoes to buy—she’ll realize that her input is important. And feeling important is a great motivator.

Reprinted with permission from the January 2007 issue of Parents Still make the difference!® (Middle School Edition) newsletter. Copyright © 2007 The Parent Institute®, a division of NIS, Inc. Source: “From slacker to scholar: Helping to motivate your middle schooler,” Mohonasen Central School District, www.mohonasen.org/03parents/MSParent/slacker2scholar.htm.

Building Self-Esteem

Encourage your preteen to enjoy some alone time

The middle school years are a peer-driven time of life. It may seem as if your child can’t move his own two feet unless he has a friend with him, doing the exact same thing. But children this age need some alone time, too. This is a great time to tell your child that he is a worthwhile person all on his own, and should be happy just with his own company.

Make sure your child has time for himself. Encourage him to engage in pursuits such as:

Reading. Share with your child that he is always less likely to be lonely when he has a good book, or any other material he enjoys reading.
Drawing or other arts and crafts. Middle schoolers are often wonderfully creative and can produce beautiful work when given the time.
Exercise. If possible, encourage your child to go for a walk each day. Or offer to borrow an exercise video from the library for him.
Cooking. Your growing middle schooler may be drawn to the kitchen. Cooking is a rewarding experience that involves all five senses. Its big bonus is, of course, getting to eat what you create!

Reprinted with permission from the January 2007 issue of Parents Still make the difference!® (Middle School Edition) newsletter. Copyright © 2007 The Parent Institute®, a division of NIS, Inc. Source: Barbara A. Lewis and Marjorie Lisovskis, Being Your Best: Character Building for Kids 7-10, ISBN: 1-57542-063-5 (Free Spirit Publishing, 1-866-703-7322, www.freespirit.com).