Motivate your child to learn by sending three messages

As a parent, you are a mirror for your child. The way you treat your child is the way she will believe she deserves to be treated.

So when you treat your child respectfully, she will grow up developing self-respect. If you treat her with love, she will believe she is lovable.

Here are three messages you can send your child that will give her the tools she needs to develop the motivation to learn:

“You are unique.” Of the five billion people who live on Earth, no two have the same finger-print. Your child is different from everyone else alive today. One of the greatest motivators for a child is the knowledge that she alone has something to offer to the world. So help your child discover her unique gifts and find ways to nurture them. If she loves to create art, buy her a box of paints and art supplies. If she enjoys animals, encourage her to start a dog-walking or pet-sitting business. Whatever her interests, remind her that she has a lot to offer.
“You are capable.” One of the great gifts you can give your child is the knowledge that she can tackle something tough. The next time she’s struggling with an assignment, remind her of a time when she pulled through. “It took a while before you could ride a bike, but now you’ve mastered it.” Let your child know that she can do just about anything she puts her mind to.
“You have the power.” Your child needs to know that her own effort can affect her life and the lives of those around her. Giving your child responsibility is one way to teach this. Setting the table or taking out the trash is a visible sign that she makes a difference in your family. Teaching compassion is another way to show your child her power. Helping an elderly neighbor with her groceries shows her how her kind actions can affect the happiness of others. Your child has the power to make great changes in the world around her.

Reprinted with permission from the March 2007 issue of Parents make the difference!® (Elementary School Edition) newsletter. Copyright © 2007 The Parent Institute®, a division of NIS, Inc. Source: Stephanie Marston, “The Best Gift You Can Give Your Children,” Our Children, November/December 2004 (National PTA, 1-800-307-4782, www.pta.org).

Building Character

Teach your child the important lesson that ‘Life isn’t always fair’

“It’s not fair!” your child whines. Why can her sister stay up later? Why does her brother get new sneakers?

Parents can bend over backwards trying to be exactly fair to their children. That can set kids up to believe that they deserve the exact same privileges that everyone else has.

Sadly, the world doesn’t work that way. The sooner your child learns that lesson, the easier it will be for her to deal with the world as it really is.

The bedtime issue? Older kids can stay up later without getting crabby.

The new sneakers? Her brother has outgrown his. Sometimes, being fair means making sure kids have their needs met.

The truth is that your kids are not equal. One may be better in math, while one excels in reading. You will build your child’s character if you teach her that being “fair” means letting her become the best person she can be—not giving her something because someone else needs it.

Reprinted with permission from the March 2007 issue of Parents make the difference!® (Elementary School Edition) newsletter. Copyright © 2007 The Parent Institute®, a division of NIS, Inc. Source: Maggie Mamen, The Pampered Child Syndrome: How to Recognize It, How to Manage It, and How to Avoid It: A Guide for Parents and Professionals, ISBN: 1-843-10407-5 (Jessica Kingsley Publishers, 1-866-416-1078, www.jkp.com).

Questions & Answers

My third-grader is struggling. There’s a lot more reading this year, and that’s a problem because she doesn’t like to read. She can sound out words, but she doesn’t always understand what she’s read. How can I help a struggling reader improve her reading skills?

You are right to be concerned about your daughter’s reading skills. She is at the point in elementary school where kids stop learning to read and start reading to learn. If your child is struggling this year, she will have even more trouble in fourth and fifth grade. So as a parent, you need to take steps to boost her reading skills now.

Reading is a skill just like riding a bike. The more she does it, the better she’ll be. So your first job is to make reading easy and here’s how:

Make a trip to the library part of your regular weekly routine. If your daughter doesn’t have her own library card, get her one.
Talk with the librarian. What are books she might like? See if there’s a series that might hook her interest. Kids often get attached to the characters in series books and want to read the next book—and then the next.
Keep stacks of books and magazines around the house. They should be on subjects that interest your daughter. Whether it’s sports or animals, there are fun books and magazines out there.
Talk with her teacher. Tell her what you’re doing and ask for her help. With practice, your struggling third-grade reader can become a fourth-grade reading whiz in no time!

—Kristen Amundson, The Parent Institute. Reprinted with permission from the March 2007 issue of Parents make the difference!® (Elementary School Edition) newsletter. Copyright © 2007 The Parent Institute®, a division of NIS, Inc.